Just go already!

I've been practicing yoga for the last six years, off and on. Sometimes I go hard, going to a class every day for months, and sometimes I'll skip it for months. No reason. It just falls off the radar and I focus on other things (I have far too many interests). But those months when I don't go, well, they suck. I don't sleep well, I eat more, I gain weight, my body aches, and I get chronic daily headaches. 

I haven't gone to yoga since mid-October. And I feel like crap. 

So why don't I just go? That's the question, and I honestly have no idea. I fall off the wagon and it takes a bulldozer to get me back on. Doesn't help that I'm carrying all of this extra weight either. 

For the past few weeks I've been stuffing my face with so much food and drink that I could barely breathe. The 'last supper' syndrome where you tell yourself that come January 1st you'll be better. You won't eat as much and you'll get off the sauce. It's funny too, because ordinarily I am very healthy in my food choices, and try to restrict the alcohol. But this Christmas, all bets were off. 

It's a new year now. I woke up this morning and knew that the indescribable thing had happened - that click, the turning point, the moment of clarity - when you realize that you feel different. You know you're focused and determined again. So now is the time to establish my goals and intentions. Not new years resolutions where you're inherently set up to fail... no, something much stronger than that. Goals that can be realized over time, and intentions that you may realize everyday. 

My overall goal is to become a yoga instructor. After what I've just written, you may be surprised. But I'm convinced not all yoga teachers are perfect all the time. They slip too. Maybe not as monumentally as I do, but that's part of this journey. I think anyone can be a yogi. I don't want to reprimand myself for my shortcomings, but rather learn from them and continue to evolve. 

My goals? To go to yoga class as often as possible. To try bikram yoga. To build a stronger more healthy body. To lose weight. To sleep better at night. To drink less. 

My intentions? My intention is to be open to what yoga can offer me. To be kind to my body. To practice discipline and restraint. To focus my energy. To love with my all, so I may be a good wife and friend. 

Today there's a bikram (hot) class at 4 and 6 pm. I should go.